Recently while working with students that struggled with behavior that affected their performance in school, I was taken aback by a conversation I had with a young man (a grade four student). He was having a very bad day. I sat down with him to ask if I could help him have a better day. I tried to identify what the problem he was dealing with was on that particular day. He told me that he was frustrated because he had put his hand up to get some assistance in math. The teacher did not immediately respond to his request for help. He reacted by disrupting the class with an outburst. I asked him if we could think of a better way to handle the situation. This would have avoided the disruption to the class and get him the help that he was looking for.
“My Mom doesn’t like my teacher anyway”
He responded by telling me that “he didn’t care about his reaction because his Mom doesn’t like his teacher anyway”. In his opinion, this meant that he didn’t have to like her either. It also empowered him to not respect her or the other students in the class.
I am not a trained social worker, psychologist or an expert in child rearing. I am a mother who has volunteered in the school system for over 25 years. I have noticed an ever-increasing problem with behavior that results in students struggling to achieve their best results in school. One of the things that I have always been very aware of since my children began their educational journey, is that they absorbed my attitude towards teachers and school in general.
Our children are listening
There were certainly times throughout the years that my children were in school where I had disagreements with teachers, principals and board or ministry policies. I came to realize how quickly my son picked up on my attitude. One day as we worked on math together and he was
struggling, I said casually “don’t worry I hated math my whole time in school”. When it came time to do math in class the next day, my son proudly told his teacher he didn’t need to do it. He said “because my Mom doesn’t like math either”. When the teacher shared this with me the next day, I was really taken aback. I did not realize how much of an impact a comment that just rolled off my tongue, would have on my son’s attitude at school.
Send your child to school with a positive attitude
As parents, the most valuable thing we can do to support our children’s education and mental health is to send them to school with a positive attitude. Can you imagine that the child whose parent says that they do not like their teacher, goes to class ready to learn? Do they work effectively with their teacher and others in the class? If a child knows their parent has a negative attitude towards their teacher or school, do we really expect that they will form a good relationship with them that allows them to flourish?
A more effective strategy when your child encounters an issue at school, would be first, to help them learn to advocate for themselves. Secondly for them to resolve the issue (with your support) in a positive manner that actually elevates them to work hard and achieve more.
Since there is so much negative media attention surrounding education funding and school system changes, it is difficult for our children to avoid hearing about them. This certainly does not have a positive effect on their enthusiasm for school and learning. As parents, the best approach in discussing these issues or answering questions your child may have, is to let them know that these are adult issues. Reassure them that if they work hard they can do well in school and achieve their dreams, regardless of what is happening.
One thing is certainly true, and you don’t need to be a professional to identify it, our children have much more stress than most of us had when we were young. The best gift we can give them is our support to build resiliency and a positive attitude towards school and life.
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